CodersAdvocate

 

Now, I have been meaning to write this article for months, but have never been arsed to do it.

There are a few things you need to bear in mind when dumping some toxic in a public place.

1. The first thing you must do is maintain a state of anonymity.

   Scope out the desired toilet, make a mental note of how many people are going in and how many people are comming out of the loo. Once you are happy there is nobody in there go for it, but beware they may be another person scoping out the same loo, and if this is the case he would probably notice that you were in for a while and hence performing a No2 displacement.
   If on entering after scoping out the place, there is a civilian there don't fret the rest of these are designed to work together to keep your dignity.

2. Hide sounds.

   Before entering a cubicle turn on as many hand dryers as you can this will cover up the noises of the inital release of gas (fart). This gaseous release is the hardest thing to take care of as it is possible to be mid fart while the hand dryer turns off. In this scenario see the last step

3. Stealth sounds

   After the farts comes the actual release of the little plops of joy. If you do the following you will get away with it. Flush the toilet, the flushing sound provides perfect cover for stuffing the loo with toilet paper to break the fall of noisy dumps.

4. NEVER get carried away

   The feeling you get after a successful No2 is second only to sex BUT don't get carried away with it. Treat the expilation of the fecal mater like the bitting point of the car, too much pressure and the drops fall straight through the toilet paper canopy and splash, similar like popping the clutch to quick will cause you to stall.

5. Finally Leave anonymously.

   You have now been dropping bombs for around 10-15 mins. So you should have a good grasp of how many people are in the loo and how many people have left. Choose your time to leave carefully. REMEMBER, if nobody sees you leave the stall then nobody can prove you did it!

Thank you and I hope this helps you in your quest for silent shits!
I would like to thank brainiac for the inspiration to write this article!